The Random Joy

at the most random times it occurs to me how transcendently happy i am,
how this life, everything, is like a --
an intriguing mystical funny dangerous tale

i wake up and see it
so much bigger and stimulating than any story we concoct in our heads and put on a screen
it's such a long and winding and insane road
with bridges and spirals
and the treasure that is found and lost
over and over
and over
and i am happy to be here
stuck in this lovely and terrifying loop
always searching, searching
for the way out
just beyond the next disappointment
the joy
always finds a way back in to rescue me
at the last moment
don't understand it
not sure i want to
oh i really do want to find the way out
i do
but i don't always remember why
joy remembers for me
and reminds me
just often enough
to keep me going